Living With Myself

by Smoke and Mirrors

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1.
03:42
2.
3.
02:19
4.
06:44
5.
06:13
6.
04:34
7.
8.
06:44

credits

released March 21, 2014

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about

Smoke and Mirrors Fort Wayne, Indiana

Defunct Indiana emo outfit.

Harrison
Travis
Dylan
Brandon
Dylan

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Track Name: 42
I thought that I could hold my life together
But I was wrong
So don't you even talk to me about wasted youth
Cause I'm learning a thing or two
Since all the plans I made in high school fell through
All the plans I made fell through

I thought that I could piece my life together as I went on
But I thought wrong
Cause life is not a puzzle
It's a skill that I haven't got
But it's in the gene pool for some
In the gene pool for some

And I'm not helping myself out
Waking up on the floor with cottonmouth
And I'm not doing myself any good
Drinking on the weekends
Not taking my pills like I should

And I'm not helping myself out
Waking up on the floor with cottonmouth
Making a mockery of the life I laid out for myself
And I'm not doing myself any good
Drinking on the weekends
Not taking my pills like I should
Like I should
Track Name: Long Island Pop Punk
"Wake up" I say to myself
As I break the mirror with my nose
I need a constant reminder
Like a gash in my face
To try to find the joy in all of this

As I wake up for my shitty job
Too early in the morning
So I can pay for all of my destructive hobbies
As I talk to Carly
Never too early
And promise her we'll be closer someday

Wake up, I am moving forward
No more backward glances at demons over my shoulder
Wake up, today is not my last
I've got six more months of hell to look forward to

I was born with a shaky aim
A sixth sense of doubt
And a self-loathing brain
I find it easier to quit every day
I'm just so tired every time I wake
I try to get more sleep
But there's no time for that
I've got to make my sign
That says "Rocky Point or bust"
And walk along the highway with it

As I wake up for my shitty job
Too early in the morning
So I can pay for all of my destructive hobbies
As I talk to Carly
Never too early
And promise her we'll be closer someday

Wake up, I am moving forward
No more backward glances at demons over my shoulder
Wake up, today is not my last
I've got six more months of hell to look forward to

I'll stay alive for you
After three tries
What more can I do?
I'll stay alive for you
After three tries
What more can I do?
Track Name: Listen
I see everything in numbers
And some may call me a pessimist
But I just like to think I'm being realistic
I call it like it is
And I don't sugarcoat anything
That doesn't deserve it

And I've struggle with faith for so long
And all I ask is that you please don't try to convert me
I don't believe in anything
I don't even believe in myself
And how, then, am I supposed to believe
There's someone higher looking out for me

And I feel like a typewriter
But one without an ink ribbon
Cause no matter how hard I press
I can't leave behind anything permanent or definite
All I leave are little dents
There's nothing that can be read

I forgave you, I forgave myself
If I forgive your faults will you forgive my doubts?
I forgave you, I forgave myself
If I forgive your faults will you forgive my doubts?

I forgave you, I forgave myself
If I forgive your faults will you forgive my doubts?
(Maybe if our paths cross someday
Cause your roots are too firmly planted
And you just couldn't stand the distance)
Track Name: Snakehealer
We stood outside your house
Last summer while you cried for no reason at all
And I held you and tried to tell you
That everything would be fine
I don't know why I thought I could make everything alright
I thought everything would stay the way it was

When we drove out to the countryside
And you showed me what your dream house looked like

A fresh cut and a new group of friends
Are all you have to show for yourself
You say that it's still you
But I can see right through your bullshit

When we drove out to the countryside
And you showed me what your dream house looked like

I'm doing fine
But what are you doing to yourself?
Marks on your skin
For somebody else's satisfaction
And do you still cry
For the aches and the pains
Inside your goddamn bones
You're wearing down

Do you still dream of Colorado?
Do the mountains still call your name?
You always said you wanted out of this place
But it's been a year and you haven't moved an inch

When we drove out to the countryside
And you showed me what your dream house looked like
Did you ever think that we'd both end up like this?

Your faults all show
When you taste your own medicine
Your anger shows
When you taste your own medicine
Your cracks all show
When you taste your own medicine
Our faults all show
When we taste our own medicine

I'm doing fine
But what are you doing to yourself?
Marks on your skin
For somebody else's satisfaction
And do you still cry
For the aches and the pains
Inside your goddamn bones
You're wearing down
Track Name: Ramona
Maybe I'm not disappointing you, I'm just disappointing me
Cause naked in the back of the van is all the closer to a princess that I need.
And maybe you don't notice when laughter catches in me throat
But the hitch is there and I swear that if you stay I'll laugh for you, too.

And you can bet your lucky stars I'm scared
Cause I don't want to die before my time
But I'm not sure I'll know when it's time for me to go

And I tried living for Jesus and I tried living for me
And now I'm not sure if I'm living for anything
But my last cigarette and my next paycheck
So I can keep the lights on and pay for a good bed for our bad backs to sleep on

And you can bet your lucky stars I'm scared
Cause I don't want to die before my time
But I'm not sure I'll know when it's time for me to go

And don't you tell me I don't know what it's like to be sad
I wear these words on my body so I can never forget
Oh and don't you tell me I don't know what it's like to be sad
I wear these wounds on my body so I will never forget
Track Name: Leagues
She is a lighter
Who taught me how to set fires
But not to myself
That was a side effect of the pills
She lives with her head in the clouds
So let's hope that she wakes up
With her dreams lighter than air
That's the only way she'll stay here

It'll all end up okay
Say it back to me

She made a hotel out of me
Always vacancy, no one's turned away
She took my land, she took my deed
And taking due process is far too costly
She gathered mass in my head
To pray to a god I don't even believe in
She brought in stained glass
To help shine the light with different refractions

It'll all end up okay
Say it back to me

She was a glacier and I was a plain
I am a valley and she is a sea
She helped to shape me
Her words made caves
And now she runs through me
But only as a stream

She made an example out of me
Of how others could be if they trusted too easily
She brought me down to my knees
In a cathedral she made me build out of my own disease
She says one word and then she's gone
Like a genie that only grants wishes that come out wrong
She took my bruised and bloody knuckles
She covered them with salt and said "the pain will keep the demons out"

It'll all end up okay
Say it back to me

She was a glacier and I was a plain
I am a valley and she is a sea
She helped to shape me
Her words made caves
And now she runs through me
But only as a stream

She made a scratch on my guitar
It added authenticity but took away from the tarnish
Track Name: Too Much and Then Some
I don't remember the taste of cigarettes on your lips
But I still remember I was never sure if I liked it
And I sure remember walking into your apartment
Seeing you hunched over the toilet
And how I felt then: confused and scared
Cause I had my suspicions but you never gave admission to the problems that I caused

I really blocked my own shot this time, didn't I?
And if it makes you less sad to go there I'll stay the hell away from Fountain Square

I am breaking, I am broken
But you're gone and you don't notice
I never knew my words could bleed
You out so quickly but now I see
Cute enough was never true
You were always cute enough to do better than me

I really blocked my own shot this time, didn't I?
And if it makes you less to go there I'll stay away from fountain square

I'm happy that you're finding your way on your own
I always liked downtown but I've never been there on my own
Track Name: Summer Queen
Cut me from your anchor line
If I'm the only thing keeping you alive
And don't try to tell me that you're fine
Cause that's the first thing you've said to mein almost three week
Dear God, please don't get drunk this time
And call me up at ten o'clock at night
And invite to a party
Where you'll be flirting with other guys

I know you love him
But he'll never breathe again
So if you could stop mentioning it
That would be fine

So you've got to let me know
You can't kiss me in the car then say you have to go
Without a word and with hardy even a sound
It's hard to tell if you want me around
Let me stay or let me know
Let me stay or let me know

I know you love him
But he'll never breathe again
So if you could stop mentioning it
That would be fine
Cause it makes me feel like shit
To know I'll never make you feel the way you do when you listen to Elliot Smith
And it makes me feel so used
To know you never gave a fuck about anyone but you