St. Jude

by Smoke and Mirrors

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1.
04:05
2.
04:48
3.
4.
04:30
5.
6.
05:51
7.
04:11

credits

released August 22, 2015

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Smoke and Mirrors Fort Wayne, Indiana

Defunct Indiana emo outfit.

Harrison
Travis
Dylan
Brandon
Dylan

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Track Name: Thaw
"You're only happy when you're fucked up" she said
And that's the kindest way anybody's put it yet
Cause I forget how lonely I've been
So this is independence: sirens and cigarettes, empty accounts, slip ups and sins
Completely naked but fully clothed under our skin
We don't have to be the way we've been
But I'm terrified we won't remember to forgive again

Don't paint me anything just save me
I'm trying my best but it's not enough just to be
Don't paint your preferences on my skin
I'm just a fucked up kid, it's all I've ever been
It's all I'll ever be

You mean so much to me, that's why I have to leave
There are better days ahead but not in this place
Easy now, keep your voice down
You're too drunk and too upset to drive home now
So take your whips to my back if it means you'll forget the rest
I'll wake a bruised and salted corpse despite trying my best

So let's chat about all the thinks we felt but never said
I'll sit in the dark until I learn to shine again

Don't paint me anything just save me
I'm trying my best but it's not enough just to be
Don't paint your preferences on my skin
I'm just a fucked up kid, it's all I've ever been
It's all I'll ever be
Track Name: Savoir Faire
If it was crime to lie and deceive I'd need a hundred cells for all the men I've been
If self loathing was a sin I wouldn't care all that much cause I abandoned God in the New Mexican sun

I hope I choke and I hope you miss me
A drink and a smoke for the road
I hope it makes me happy
I don't know where I'll go but the coast sounds like gold
I won't come home till I know what I'm doing

I abandoned myself when somebody said that to truly live you must first brush with death
I'm learning why I'm hurting and I'm finding my muse but I can't find my purpose or at least not the truth

I hope I choke and I hope you miss me
A drink and a smoke for the road
I hope it makes me happy
I don't know where I'll go but the coast sounds like gold
I won't come home till I know what I'm doing

If I can make it past the border, burns, and foliage
Then I can finally start to feel at home
Cause my demons have been scratching at my door
But no more

I hope I choke and I hope you miss me
A drink and a smoke for the road
I hope it makes me happy
I don't know where I'll go but the coast sounds like gold
I won't come home till I know what I'm doing
Track Name: Parasite Lost
I'm not so easily defined
Not a straight line
More of a puff of smoke on the inside
I linger and wait for a sign
To escape out the open window on the other side
Of a room that we both occupied
Don't call me selfish for wanting you to sympathize

I hear the roaring of the crowd
They're screaming "You were never crowned!"
But who have I been ruling this whole time
If you were unaligned?

I remember long nights and whispered lies
Slurred speech and fake smiles fueled the fire inside
My head is aching, heavy with brawl
Sex scent and sweat drenched, I won't call
Don't call me selfish for wanting you to sympathize

I hear the roaring of the crowd
They're screaming "You were never crowned!"
But who have I been ruling this whole time
If you were unaligned?

I hope that you don't blame yourself
Track Name: Weight
I ache in my sleep
When I sleep in your wake
I chase while I dream
Until I find your heat
I was once so naïve
I was stronger then before I was jaded
Father Time was such a tease
I used to plan like my future mattered

I'm still not where I want to be
I hope the States will still take me when I find out what I need
Am I still yours while you sleep?
I know you dream but not of me

Everything will be okay
You're not here with me now
But I know I'll see you someday
If things don't get better I'll be with you soon
But I have friends and I have family who swear that I'll improve
If I make this commitment to better myself
Would you smile down from Heaven, cry "God, let me out!"
I need you back on the ground
I need catharsis right now
This winter without you has been the coldest Hell that I've felt

I'm still not where I want to be
I hope the States will still take me when I find out what I need
Am I still yours while you sleep?
I know you dream but not of me

Oh, Saint Jude, watch over me
I'm done looking for myself in the people I meet
Why can't I just be happy?
I've watched the things I used to love fade gray with ennui
Track Name: Post Scriptum
Isn't it funny how we both laugh about it now
Like the light didn't just go out
And neither of us ever blamed ourselves
Isn't it crazy how I almost forget how it felt
Before you were just a notch in my belt
We grew up, grew apart, and grew out of our shells

It still eats me up inside
And it still keeps me up at night
Our final goodbye wasn't quite right

We both got tattoos and did what we thought was cool
We both lived for somebody else
But now we're both getting out

It still eats me up inside
And it still keeps me up at night
Our final goodbye wasn't quite right
Track Name: Xenu
A spark of inspiration
In a life without stimulation
Maybe you'll love me more when this season's said and done
Maybe I want you for all the wrong reasons

Shot down, defeated but I'm still breathing
I can't believe this happened again
I'm in my head, dissecting
Trying to make sense of what you're feeling

Destiny is beckoning
There's nothing left of me
Calculating and chemistry
I know that there must be a science to your apathy

Lipstick and attitude can't substitute
The answers I've been after
Maybe I should go, I'll leave you alone
Don't say maybe if you want to say no

Maybe you'll want me more when our lives have settled down
Maybe I'll want you for selfish reasons

Destiny is beckoning
There's nothing left of me
Calculating and chemistry
I know that there must be a science to your apathy
Track Name: Wait
I believe in cold showers like Christians believe in prayer
This headache's been hanging over me for something like a year
At some point tonight I might drive myself home
This party's alright, I just need to be alone
Sometimes I drink too much when I know I hate getting plastered
Cause the booze tastes better than the life we could've had together
The booze tastes better than the thought of you two together
I'm sorry for how I acted, I'm happy that you're happy with him

Oh, worst case scenario
You'll come home and you won't pick up your phone
No, you don't owe me anything
But I'd like to think you care enough to try
I'd be wrong

An american introvert with nothing going on
Is too boring for your foreign sense of style
Some stupid kid, tiny and timid
Could never compete with the bright lights in Berlin
An american introvert with nothing going on
Is too boring for your foreign sense of style
You checked your maps, I checked my pulse
You saw the world, I saw my fold